"Collin is an attractive child with mischievous gleaming eyes" was the opening statement on his very first Individualized Education Plan as a gifted and talented student. I will never forget reading that statement for the very first time and thinking, WOW, how true.

Collin Archuleta was born on January 13th, 2000 at 7:49 pm and from the moment I laid eyes on my perfect little gift from God I knew that he was going to be a strong willed child. His determination and will to do life on his terms from the womb until the day he went to heaven was strong. You see when I was pregnant for Collin, a number of health issues arose and doctors presented to me that Collin was going to have a number of health issues, including decreased fetal growth and that his head would be too big for his body but Collin proved those doctors to be wrong. Collin was born a healthy 7 pounds, 12 ounces, 21 inches long and he came into this world kicking and screaming... a healthy set of lungs, I assure you and his head was a perfect 13 inches in circumference... must have been that big brain he was trying to show off to those doctors on those ultrasound pictures.
I knew Collin was of high intelligence at a very young age. He always tested well over where he should have been on every test encountered throughout his life... from daycare to pre-school to high school he excelled academically and was quite the social butterfly. Teachers would often elect him to help other students get acclimated socially or help them with a lesson they were struggling with.
However, there was something else I noticed about Collin at a very young age, something was just not right, he often acted out in ways which deemed to be inappropriate... what was pre-diagnosed as ADHD. It wasn't until later in Collin's life (middle school) that I learned he actually did not have ADHD, which makes sense because the medication the doctor would prescribe really did not help but would rather make it worse... it turns out Collin suffered from depression and social anxiety and acting out was his outlet. But why? Why was my beautiful boy so plagued with depression and social anxiety? No one knows for sure, as he never came to terms with what was in his head that caused such depression and social anxiety. However, through many years of psychiatric evaluations, in-patient stays, family and individual counseling it seems there was a form of PTSD that Collin suffered and decided to file away in the back of his mind. To make a long story short Collin's father and I were in a bad marriage and Collin witness some things no child should ever witness.
Collin's father and I eventually ended up separating for good when Collin was 4 and I filed for divorce, I was 4 months pregnant with my second son, Collin's brother, Cody and it was during that time I really started to see that things were not right with Collin mentally (pre-diagnosed as ADHD). Though Collin's father and I filed for divorce, our divorce was anything but amicable. The dysfunction continued and without divulging that whole story it ended badly. Collin's father was killed in 2005. So why am I telling you this? Because, maybe this will save a life... a child, a mom, a dad, a family.
After his father's death Collin's behaviors spiraled and I was on a mission to save his life. It was, at this point, Collin started to vocalize thoughts of wanting to die. It was, at this point, I was on a mission to seek out practitioners to get Collin through this and still the diagnosis was always ADHD. You see... Collin was smart, a breed of intelligence that could manipulate practitioners to believe that he was okay... So he would see a practitioner for a while and then they would discharge him to an as needed basis and that as needed basis would always come. Some time would pass and Collin would fall right back into some inappropriate behavior pattern and we were right back at square one. During Collin's life he was hospitalized twice for suicidal ideations and once for suicide attempt. In between these in-patient stays, Collin continued with inappropriate behavior that landed him in quite a bit of trouble and during Collin's 8th grade year I made the decision to put him in a Christian boarding school/treatment facility... allowing him to work on school, while work on himself. Collin claimed to be an atheist, this was not how he was raised and was really combative with the Christian education he was receiving at this facility. I would travel back and forth to him and eventually he came home after 4 months... that 4 months of him being gone was some of the most un-bearable days for me as a mother. I lost my hair, my eyelashes, weight, sleep, and quite frankly my own sanity... I was a mom, struggling to save my son's life. Seven months later, Collin was back at Children's Behavioral health after a failed attempt at suicide and had his last inpatient stay, that was 2 years ago and I begged the doctors to transfer him to a long term treatment facility, however, the doctors told me he did not need it and released him home. I placed Collin in intense one on one counseling again and eventually he was released. Collin's tenth grade year things started to look up for Collin. He was accepted into the school he wanted to be in with the friends he wanted to be with, he was making college plans and meeting goals he had set for himself, however, his depression phases would go in and out. I then decided to start interviewing counselors and found one I thought Collin would really connect with and not manipulate and he did but Collin had a rough year academically tenth grade year and was not invited to return back to the school of his choice for his junior year.
Collin had a pretty rough summer last summer (2016), this sent him into a very deep depression. He continued weekly counseling and pushed through each day... he began to grow increasingly worried about where he would go to school. I decided that summer to let Collin view and tour Christian and private schools... I told him he could pick the school of his choice, he was so excited to make this decision. He researched schools in our area and called to make appointments to tour. I told him lets look at this as a fresh start, a way for him to start over and be in the environment he thought was best for him and his education. We toured school after school and he finally settled on Crescent City Christian School and though he did not meet academic criteria to stay at his last school, his academic accomplishments afforded him the opportunity to graduate one year early at Crescent City Christian School. He was so excited and I was so excited to my boy excited about life for a change. He started Crescent City Christian School and they embraced him with open arms... he even had an interview with the principal before school started and he expressed to her that he did not believe in God but he felt that it was the right environment for him to successfully achieve his goals. She accepted him and embraced his spirit anyway, honestly, the whole staff did. The school year started and moved forward and Collin excelled in ways I had never seen. Collin got his driver's license and a little job. He embraced his school work and excelled, he embraced meeting new people and evolved socially, he embraced getting into clubs, service work and leadership and eventually he embraced his spirituality when he went on retreat. The school retreat was mandatory for seniors as part of their graduation requirements and Collin did not want to go, however, eventually the head of leadership at the school, who Collin was very close to, was able to convince him to go. Collin was saved and accepted Jesus as his Lord and savior and from that point on Collin continued to blossom. I kept him in counseling and he was starting look into colleges, specifically Christian colleges, in which he had several full ride offers on the table. It was truly amazing and I would hit my knees every night and thank God for his work in my Collin's life. He started to post reference to scripture on his instagram and text me bible versus and just randomly give me cards with bible versus for me to look up.
​The last 8 months of Collin's life were the best months of his life... but that all changed on the evening of March 30th, 2017, he and a friend had gotten themselves in some major trouble and though he seemed to be in good spirits through this bump in the road, in his head the depression had set in but this time he hid it and on the morning of April 17th, 2017, when I left for work, Collin made the decision to end his battle with depression and took his own life.

This was a post Collin made on his instagram in November, 2016 very shortly after he accepted Jesus on retreat.

Collin's life was not all doom and gloom but when the moments of darkness came they hit hard. In between the moments of darkness Collin was a normal boy, he enjoyed music, video games, playing soccer, long boarding, hanging out with friends, and watching Grey's Anatomy. Collin was on the soccer team and played the goalie position and he was good, really good. Collin also loved to travel and I traveled with him and his brother often. He loved exploring new places and seeing what the rest of the world looked like. He had goals, hopes and dreams just like every other child. Collin had always talked about being an mechanical engineer. He loved to take things apart and learn more about how things worked, however, as Collin became a teenager he interest changed and he became fascinated with the brain and how it worked and he decided he would go into college with his focus on pre-med and eventually pursue Neurology. I championed those goals for him and continuously reminded him that he was capable of anything he put his mind to and that I would always be here to support his dreams and do anything possible to help him meet his goals. I wanted so badly to see him graduate high school and meet his goals... I love and miss him so very much.

Those who know me, I mean really know me know that I spent just about everyday of my life trying to save his. I fought a long and hard fight... trying every option I thought would help... I never gave up, I never stopped fighting... there was nothing I was not willing to try in an attempt to save him, absolutely nothing. In the end, I lost, I failed... but I know that God will use Collin's story for good and that is why I have started this fund because though my beautiful boy is no longer walking by my side, I know his spirit lives on God will give me the strength I need to help others and NEVER STOP FIGHTING!!!

Collin text me this photo with this bible verse on the afternoon of Monday, February 13, 2017 as he was sitting in traffic on his way to work from school... I use it as a reminder that it is God that will get me through the darkest days as I learn to re-adjust to life without him here.

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